"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
-James 1:2-3
The other day as I was scrolling through Instagram, one of the 10000x during the day I get distracted, I stumbled across a video that brought me to tears. A family of two sons was sitting down getting ready for dinner when the parents asked the eldest son how he did on his mid-year exams. The son proceeds to say how easy it was and lists his accomplishments in which he received between an 85-92 on his exams. The parents then move onto the youngest son and asked the same question. This son, however, did not have the same response. He did not answer the question. He instead looked at his paper which read 60/100 and held his head down in defeat. The eldest son snatches the test paper out of his hands, sees the score and says to him "Ohhh! Mom's going to kill you!" The mom answers by saying "Why didn't you show me earlier?" She then takes a look at the score and sees the shame on her youngest son's face. The video then shows a flashback of the mom walking by the youngest son's room late at night. As she looks in, she notices a dim light is on in the room. She then sees her son, taking notes, reading, and trying to keep himself from falling asleep as he studies late into the night. The video then flashes forward to the family at dinner table to which the mom looks at her son and says, "Well done!" and gives him a treat. The son's entire disposition immediately changed. He looked at his mother, sat up straight, and wore a smile that could be seen from outer space.
Y'all! When I tell you I cried, I CRIED! I boohooed, snotted and everything! I had to stop myself and get it together. The only thing I could think about was myself! I greatly struggled with academics in college. I felt defeated every day in 85% of my classes. I had classmates who would gloat about a score they received on a test that was "so easy". I would then look down at my paper and see my 65, 55, or 49%. I would try to hide my score as quickly as I could in hopes that no one saw it, though I knew they did. My disposition became just like that little boy. I felt defeated. Stupid. Embarrassed. Idiotic. I would study, read, take notes, go to a tutor, and yet I could never get ahead. I would try to form study groups, and no one wanted to study with me. Who could blame them?! I wouldn't want to study with me either! I wouldn't be able to help them succeed, I could only be the cause of their failure. I withdrew from 4 classes and I failed a class that was worth 4 units. I enrolled in PreCalculus 3 times on which the 4th time I finally finished and passed the class. There was a semester when I was placed on academic probation with a 1.78GPA. (Though the semester after that I was on the Dean's List with a 4.0, that's a story for a different day!)
Over time I got to the point where I had to celebrate my small victories. I had to stop looking at others to see how poorly I did compared to them and start focusing on myself to see how much I had improved compared to myself. I had to find other people who were struggling just as much as I was, because, I couldn't be the only one struggling THIS bad. Right? Yes and no. Though I did learn that I was not the only one struggling, I still was left to struggle alone and I without much classmate support. To be completely honest, I was totally fine with that reality. I made up in my mind that I wouldn't let that deter me from having a great college experience. I became very involved with campus and community organizations, while building lasting friendships and having the opportunity to have my face on a pillar at the school! The Lord allowed me to perform with a dance group all over campus and become president of that group my senior year!
When I look back at my college career, I can't help but cry and praise the Lord. He brought me through so much and I was able to overcome so many obstacles. At times I still compare my current life to my classmates' lives and I wonder why I am only here and they are all "successful". The Father then shows me that I am successful because I am where He wants me to be, not where society says I should be. He often reminds me of how far He brought me in college. How far I have come and all I have had to overcome. He is truly gracious and wonderful. He has strengthened me in this process and made me realize that the world and society do not set the standards of my success. HE DOES! I had to go through a difficult college career for Him to build my trust in Him and cause me to rely on Him more and more. Even when I thought I wasn't going to graduate, He assured me ever so sweetly that I would and that was His plan for me. So now, almost 2 years later, I can sit here and write this to tell you all...
... C's really do make degrees!