Good Grief!

Well happy 2025 everyone! Per usual, this blog was supposed to be posted a month ago but here we are at the end of March! lol. I need to get more consistent with writing these blogs, as I say at the beginning of every blog, but I also don't want to speak just to speak. I want to make sure this is what the Lord has me to write about. So without further delay, let's talk about grief, and why I have been shuffling my feet to post this! I pray this blog blesses and encourages you.

Be patient with me as I begin to paint the picture of all that has transpired these last 2 years. On March 13, 2023, I received a call from my sister, right before I started teaching my 5th period class, one of my youngest cousins was found dead at 21 years old. My heart stopped and I immediately broke down in front of all of my coworkers and students. I was in shock and disbelief and my brain refused to wrap my head around this reality that he was gone. As the months passed and our family was still processing the loss of one of my cousin, August 30, 2024, my maternal grandmother passed away. While she was in her 80's and in hospice, it was still another punch to the gut. We found ourselves in the same place, the same church, same burial site where we were 6 months prior. My aunt had to burry her son and mother in the same year. I began to refelct at the fact that while one grandmother was gone, I still had another one until that reality was shaken 6 months later. Late January 2024 I received a call that my paternal grandmother, my Old Lady as I called her, was in the hospital. I immediately booked the next flight out to go see her. I spent a week with her. My last night there I rubbed her back and looked her in the eyes and said "grandma, I will be ok. You can go. It'll be ok". She looked at my with saddness and gave me a slight nod. That night I went back to my parents and cried as I came to terms with that would be the last time I would see her. 2 weeks later, on Valentine's Day, she was gone. The pain I felt that day was unbearable. It felt like a piece of me died with her. The woman who helped raise me and was by my side for every major and minor life event, was gone. I began to think about all of aspects life events that I haven't experienced yet that I would have loved for her to have been apart of. My Old Lady will never see me get married or have children. Even at the time of her passing I was unemployed, but starting my theatre journey! (Side note: I was going to write this blog a little after she passed but I felt like something else was coming, and boy was I correct!) November 11, 2024 I got a random message from a friend of a friend saying our mutual friend, Tiara, was currently on life support and will likely pass away. 11 days later, that unfortunate news came true. At just 33 year old, my friend was gone.

*Pause: very crazy update. In the midst of writing this blog, I just received a call that one of my former dancers was tragically killed in a car crash at 21 years old on March 16. Please pray for her family!*

Aside from the obvious grief of multiple deaths, between June 2023 to July 2024 I moved across the country to a place I didn't know anyone, quit teaching, changed my career, tried to start a fitness instructor journey (and quit that), booked 2 musicals, and got a new job. One day in August everything came to a head and I broke down. I knew I was a little sad but I realized I was suppressing my emotions. At that moment I understood I was dealing with layered grief; the death of loved ones and adjusting to major life changes. The grief of how my life used to be versus where it is now. The reality of stepping into a place I was unfamiliar with while losing the familiarity. While it was my decision to move and change careers, I truly felt The Lord was leading me into a different direction. Leading me to a place where my faith would be tested and increased. At times I felt alone and abandoned. I felt as though no one understood me or was able to comfort me.

God began to feel so far away. I began to back slide a bit in my faith and question God. Why he would allow all of these to happen so close together in timing? Why he would allow a parents to burry their child and mother in the same year? Why someone has to bury their only child? Why did my friend have to die before getting married, having children or finishing her doctorate? I began to grieve for myself and then grieve for others. Sometimes I want to scream "WHY IS ALL OF THIS HAPPENING AT ONCE?!" I became so angry with God. While I intellectually knew God is real and the bible is truth, my faith was lacking. I study the bible yet I had not fully put my faith and trust in YHWH. I had to sit there and truly understand, just because bad things happen, doesn't equate to God being bad or neglectful. Death is an unfortunate part of life that we were, technically, not meant to experience. Because of the fall of man and sin entering into the world, came death. The Lord had to remind me through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, and His resurrection, we have the opportunity to receive eternal life and dwell with The Father forever. As a believer in Christ we have this hope to stand on:

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away." -Revelation 21:4. Because of that fact, I can rejoice in the midst of trails and find hope in sorrow.

As I reflected on my grief after each death I would think, how am I getting through it and how can I help support someone else going through their grief? Honestly prayer, crying, and waking up another day. lol

But in all actuality here are a few tips on dealing with grief:

1. Read the word of God and hide the word in your heart. It is important to understand what is going on and how God comforts and delievers His people. Truly understanding the bible helps with that. Find a translation that you can understand and study it. In studying the bible you begin to understand the character nd nature of God as well as His promise for Hi children. It's easy to believe God is "mean" when things don't go our way, instead of seeing that He is a protector. It can be hard to envision a perfect world but we have to trust that it will be so.

2. Don't run away or distract yourself from moments when you feel sad. If you need a moment or a day, take it! Cry, scream, sit in silence or go take a nap. Sit in those emotions. Look at old pictures or listen to old messages. Remember that life isn't what you are used to and what you once knew. The people you love are no longer here and are no longer a phone call away. It takes time to adjust to that new reality. Give yourself grace! For 30 years my grandmother was a phone call away. Now what? 13 months later, I still struggle with this new reality. One of my friends passed away in Novermber and I still send her memes on Instagram. I've had to take a day or two off of work to sit and be with my grief because I knew I would not be effective or safe to be around. If you keep moving and trying to push the grief aside you will never heal. Give yourself time. Even as I write this, I am still crying missing my Old Lady.

   
   

3. Have a community of people that will pray for you and uplift you. We are called to be in community with one another. One of the toughest parts of my grieving process was that I was in a city where I didn't know anyone/ have any friends nearby. I did however, have friends I could call and talk to. There were days I wanted to isolate myself and be alone yet it was not healthy. If it is hard to have a community of friends, try finding a group therapy session in your area or church. While grief can feel isolating, there are a lot of people experiencing what you are going through. With that, you can form a bond and community of others who know and truly understand how you feel.

   "Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn." -Romans 12:15

   
   

4. Go to grief counseling. There's only but so much family and friends can help with if they are not equipped to handle your grief. On top of that, it is not wise to continuously dump our issues and grief onto others when they could be going throught their own life woes. Yes the bible talks about having a friend that sticks closer than a brother, it is also important to not use people as a dumping ground for your problems. Find a balance of talking to friends and family as well as talking to a professional who has the credentialing to handle your problems. A licensed professional will give you practical tips, help you understand your triggers, and how to handle those random bouts of grief.

   
   

5. Prayer! Boy oh boy did I pray and spend time with God. I read my bible a lot and began to grow closer to God. I realized grief makes me understand people'e pain and trials a bit more. During this time I prayed and read my bible a lot. Not necessarily to find answers but to just grow closer to the Lord. Sometimes we seek God for our own answers and benefit instead of just getting to know Him and His word. "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thess. 5:16-18

   
   

6. Find a hobby. One of the biggest things that helped me was the ability to express myself creatively. I took dance classes, acting classes, and started doing musical theatre. You might find coloring theraputic. Go for a walk around your area or even on the treadmill. Go outside for fresh air. Give back to your community and become a mentor. Explore the gifts and talent God gave you. Many times, through our pain, we begin to find our purpose.

   
   
   
   

   

   
   

As you deal with grief I want you to hold fast and meditate on a few bible verses.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

-Psalm 34:18

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18 (actually just read this entire chapter)

"...Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." -John 16:22

"The entire book of Job"

I pray as you deal with your grief you remember you are not alone. God is here and is a comforter. Pray for Him to send people in your life that can be of comfort and support. I pray you allow yourself to take time to heal as you journey into this next phase of life. Grief is a journey. Some days are better than others. Cry when you need to. Life may seem unbearable but The Lord can and will heal you through it.

~Ok! TTYL! BYE!