“You need other people, Madeline. There's a great freedom in knowing that. And accepting that. And letting people in. Letting them help you."
-Recovery Road by Blake Nelson.
There's a book that was turned into a television series called Recovery Road. I have not read the book yet but I did see the series, so I will give you that synopsis! A 17 year old girl named Maddie Graham gets placed into Spring Meadows sober living facility for her drug and alcohol addiction, however, she does not believe she has a problem. It takes her a while to come to terms with her addiction, but once she begins to own up to her mistakes, opens up to others, and admit she has an addiction, she starts to find freedom and sobriety. Though I am not an alcoholic or on drugs, it showed me how much I was like Maddie and how much I needed to get onto the road to recovery.
One of Maddie's biggest problems, like many of us, was not her addictions, but it was her lack of vulnerability. By defintion being vulnerable is: the state of being susceptible to physcial and emotional attack or harm. WOW! It is so easy to see why we don't do it! Being vulnerable is something we don't ever do. We are taught to stay strong and suck it up. We are taught to not share our feelings or emotions because people are untrustworthy. We are told that other people have it worse off than us, so our problems are not that big of a deal. We begin to believe that we are burdensome to others and no one cares about what we are going through. There also may have been a time in life when you were vulnerable and it backfired; the person told your business or they are no longer in your life. What I have noticed is we are afraid for others to see the truth about us and possibly find out about a traumatic event that took place because we don't want to be judged or feel ashamed.
Whatever the case is, we bottle up our feelings and emotions and begin to use other things to subside that pain temporarily. We want a reason to justify our lack of vulnerability (ie: masking the pain). For Maddie it was drugs, alcohol and partying. For someone else it might be sex. Another person it might be pornography. Another person it could be shopping. Someone else could be staying in an abusive or toxic relationship. We don't properly deal with the bottled up issues and use other mechanisms to mask the pain of our realities. It could be something you don't do that often, yet it is the thing you lean on to cope and mask the underlining issue or situaution.
I know! I know! I sound like I'm contradicting my last post about "feelings lying to you", but I'm actually elaborating on what to do with unhealthy feelings and emotions before it is too late. Well... trying to... Just keep reading amd you'll see what I'm talking about.
The Father created us to be in relationship with one another so we can have support in this life! Galatians 6:2 states "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." The enemy wants us to feel alone and like we are not supposed to tell our business or emotions to others yet, The Father commands us to do so! We have gotten so used to dealing with issues our way that we don't realize we can have freedom from the pain. Sometimes we don't want to be become free from the pain because we have already placed our identity in what helps us cope with the pain, which in turn, makes us not vulnerable.
What are some ways to kick lack of vulnerability in the butt? I'm glad you asked!
1. Be honest with YOURSELF!
Maybe you are like Maddie and are denying that you have a problem. What are you using to cope with pain? Be honest, if that thing is take away from you (sex, a relationship, alcohol, drugs, fighting, etc.) would you be fine without it? It is important to find the root cause as to why you are not vulnerable. Was there a time you were abandoned, sexual abused, rejected, belittled, felt not good enough, or any of traumatic instance? If you don't know, ask The Lord to show you what happened and what you are using to cover up what has occured in your life.
2. Journal!
I started journaling every night about 3 years ago. It has helped sooooooo much in allowing me to be vulnerable. The Lord has showed we what I need to work on and unresolved issues that I burried that and caused me a lot of pain. It is a great way to start off with being vulnerable and honest with yourself and God to build to courage to tell someone else your troubles. Sometimes seeing your issues, pen to paper, can show you areas of your life you may need to improve on.
3. Find a therapist if you don't have anyone that you can share with.
Not everyone is going to be able to direct you properly when solving issues. Find a therapist to help you sort through life! The good part of therapy is they don't know you that well to make a judgment and you are not emotionally tied to them as you are a family member or close friend. They are trained to deal with people's problems! Yes they can be expensive but you are investing time and money in yourself. Aren't you worth that investment?
4. Take your time before you open up! Use wisdom.
Not everyone deserves to know about your life and not everyone is trustworthy! Take your time to make sure that person is reliable and faithful. We have all opened up to the wrong person. Just remember, 1 or even 5 bad instance isn't the case for all instances. Let The Lord lead you to the RIGHT person.
5. Tell God! We want to make sure we don't make people our god and rely on them for everything.
We need to make sure we go to The Father FIRST and then allow Him to lead us to the right person to open up to. We have a beautfiul Father that loves and cares about us so much and wants us to live meaningful lives in community with one another! He wants to heal us and make us whole! "Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7
Maddie did not begin to see her healing until she was honest with herself and othes that she had a problem. She realized she was not the only one was going through issues and that there is hope on the other side. Being vulnerable is so hard. It leaves us open for anything to happen. Just remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE VALUABLE! We were not meant to do this life alone. You are not the only one who is feeling what you're feeling. Other people have gone through what you are going through right now. Until we are vulnerable, we will never know how much someone can help us, encourage us, and support us in life! I pray you all find the strength and courage to open up to one another and allow God to heal you, free you from your pain, and get you on to that road towards recovery!
Love ya! TTYL!
~Meghan A. Harper